Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.People are always available for work in the past tense. Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!Eat American Lamb. Ten Million Coyotes Can't be Wrong. This Vehicle Swerves and Hits Pedestrians at Random.

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 Kissing a Smoker is like Licking an Ashtray.  Old Skiers Never Die. They Just go Downhill.
 "Suicide Hotline...please hold."  "Stupid" is a boundless concept.
 As long as there are tests, there will be prayers in school.  My Child Can Beat Up Your Honor Student.
 First rule of intelligent tinkering - save all the parts.  A pessimist is never disappointed.
 Money Isn't Everything, But it Sure Keeps the Kids In Touch.  I  May Be Fat but You're Ugly - and I Can Lose Weight.
 A man's only as old as the woman he feels.  Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.
 Hung Up and Drive.  Quit Sniveling.
 People are always available for work in the past tense.  The ballot is stronger than the bullet.
 Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway.  Stupid People Shouldn't Breed.
 Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off.  A day not wasted is a day wasted!
 If Men Could Have Abortions, It Would Be a Sacrament.  Smile - Its The Second Best Thing you can do with Your Lips.
 A friend in need is a pain in the neck.  Women do come with instructions; ask them.
 No Matter Where You Go, There You Are.  Stupid People Shouldn't Breed.
 The best way to win an argument is to be right.  Without Time, everything would happen at once.
 Forget the Whales, Save the Cowboy.  Don't Honk - I'm Pedaling as Fast as I Can.
 Eat American Lamb. Ten Million Coyotes Can't be Wrong.  Ask First If The Animal Wants To Be Killed.
 Woman was God's second mistake.
 I'm From the Government. I'm Here to Help You.  My Karma just ran over your Dogma.
 Black Holes Suck.  Disarm Rapists.
 Have You Hugged Your Stockbroker Today?  Have You Flogged Your Crew Today?
 Use Caution in Passing - Driver Chewing Tobacco  This Vehicle Swerves and Hits Pedestrians at Random.
 Scixelsyd Etinu. [Read Backwards]  Happiness is the Ball in the Fairway.
 I'm OK. You're So-So.  Happiness is Coming.
 There are no new sins - the old ones just get more publicity.  Commit Random Kindness and Senseless Acts of Beauty.
 When going ice skating, never judge a brook by its cover.  My Mother was a Travel Agent for Guilt Trips.
 Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!  Cats Flattened While You Watch.
 Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.    If You Love Jesus Tithe - Any Fool Can Honk.
 One man's loss is another man's umbrella.  Illiterate? Call This Number for Help...
 Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.
 "Telling an Old Person He's Useless Is Abortion on the Other End"  I  brake for Hallucinations.

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The Seinfeld Scripts : The First and Second Seasons
by Jerry Seinfeld, Larry David 
Click here to order On May 14, 1998, the final episode of "Seinfeld" airs, bringing down the curtain on one of America's most-watched television comedies. Featuring the complete television scripts from the show's first two seasons -- 17 episodes in all -- "The Seinfeld Scripts" offers Jerry, George, Elaine, Kramer, and the rest of the crew at its hilarious best! Photos. 

The Groucho Letters : Letters from and to Groucho Marx
by Groucho Marx 
Click here to find out more Groucho's rapier wit is contagious; the book lends an insight into the man as well,at
times the humor is ironical without ever being cynical;his respect for other literary personae comes through strongly-a classic case in point is his legendary correspondence with T. S. Eliot. The book abounds with bon mots and his hilarious correspondence with Warner Brothers is an excellent introduction to the book.This is the type of book that everybody should have as it easily elicits a laugh, chuckle and guffaw (which,as Groucho says, is a good name for a law firm)! All in all, 'grouching' around should begin with this book-full marx to Groucho for that!

Create your own Custom CD from  more than 175,000 songs
Tracey Takes on
by Tracey Ullman 
Click here to order Hands down one of the most talented and beloved comediennes of our time, Emmy-winner Tracey Ullman has mugged her way into the hearts of America with a stunning array of wicked and lovable characters. Now, for the first time, Tracey brings her chameleon comic genius to the printed page, with this profile of favorite characters -- their likes and dislikes, their thoughts on their childhoods, even what they think of Tracey herself.

Leading With My Chin
by Jay Leno, Bill Zehme 
Click here to order Against the odds Jay Leno has emerged as the undisputed king of late night television as host of the number one-rated The Tonight Show. His 20-year stand-up career, working alongside the likes of Jerry Seinfeld, Garry Shandling, and David Letterman, was a long, hard, and laugh-filled battle to the top. In this entertaining, anecdote-filled book, Leno delivers the monologue of his life, leaving readers admiring his unstoppable wit and tenacity. 

Rosie; Rosie O'Donnell's Biography
by James Robert Parish
Click here to order Rosie is the first full-length biography to present the complete, captivating story of how a girl from Commack, Long Island, became the first-class jokester she is today. Following Rosie's path, from her childhood and troubled relationship with her Irish-born father to her successful career in TV and films, this biography uncovers the Rosie fans want to know.



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