A man and his son were shovelling the driveway after a  heavy snowfall when their dog, Lady, wandered away from them. Man, fearing the dog might be hit by car, shouted angrily: "Lady! Lady! Get over here right now!" The dog charged happily back over to them, accompanied by a commuter who had been standing at the bus stop. "Yes, sir, what can I do for you?" she asked.
A man and his son were shovelling the driveway after a  heavy snowfall when their dog, Lady, wandered away from them. Man, fearing the dog might be hit by car, shouted angrily: "Lady! Lady! Get over here right now!" The dog charged happily back over to them, accompanied by a commuter who had been standing at the bus stop. "Yes, sir, what can I do for you?" she asked. 
Four workers were discussing how smart their dogs were. The first was an engineer who said his dog could draw. His dog's name was "T-Square", and he told him to get some paper and draw a square, a circle and a triangle, which he did with no sweat. 
   The accountant said he thought his dog, "Balance", could do better. He told him to fetch a dozen cookies and divide them into piles of three, which he did with no problem. 
   The chemist said that was a very good stunt, but that his dog, "Apothecary", could do better yet.  He told his dog to get a quart of milk and pour seven ounces into a ten ounce glass. Apothecary did this 
without a hitch. 
   All three men agreed their dogs were equally smart.  They turned to the Civil Servant and asked him what his dog could do.  The Civil Servant called his dog, whose name was "Coffee break", and said, "Show the fellows what you can do, old buddy."  Coffee Break then strolled over and ate the cookies, drank the milk, shit on the paper, screwed the other three dogs and claimed he injured his back while doing so. He then filed a grievance for unsafe conditions, applied for Workers' Compensation, and left for home on sick leave. 
Comedian Steven Wright - About Dogs
I spilled spot remover on my dog.  He's gone now. 
I bought a dog the other day...  I named him Stay.  It's fun to call him... 
"Come here, Stay!  Come here, Stay!"  He went insane.  Now he just ignores me and keeps typing.  He's an East German Shepherd. 
I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes.  They had little pictures of cats on them.  Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.  The other day, I was walking my dog around my building...  on the ledge.  Some people are afraid of heights.  Not me, I'm afraid of widths. 

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This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house and gives it a bath, blow dries its fur and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes. A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?". The guy stumbles around and says, "Um.. no.. um.. what happened?". The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!"  Two friends were walking their dogs in the park when one suggested stopping at a bar for a drink. 
"But we can't go in there," said the second guy. "They won't let us bring our dogs in." 
"Don't worry about it," replied the first guy. "Just follow my lead."And into the bar he walked with his 
"Hey," the bartender yelled. "you can't bring that dog in here!" 
"But I'm blind," said the first guy. "This is my Seeing Eye dog." 
Satisfied, the bartender seated him, and just then the other guy came in with his little Pekingese in tow. Again the bartender announced that dogs weren't allowed. 
"But I'm blind," said the second man. "This is my Seeing Eye dog." 
The bartender took a long look at the dog. "That Pekingese is your Seeing Eye dog?" he asked incredulously. 
"What?" said the second man. "They gave me a Pekingese?" 
A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three men and a dog playing cards. The dog was playing with extraordinary performance.
"This is a very smart dog," the man commented. 
"Not so smart," said one of the players. "Every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail." 
The front door was accidentally left open and our dog was gone. After unsuccessfully whistling and calling, my husband got in the car and went looking for him. He drove around the neigbourhood for some time with no luck. Finally he stopoed beside a couple out for a walk and asked if they had seen our dog. "You mean the one following your car?" they asked.

All I Know About Animal Behavior I Learned in Loehmann's Dressing Room
by Erma Bombeck 
Click here to find out more Identifying the likenesses between animals in the wild and human beings, another humorous reflection of the ridiculous side of life pokes fun at nutrition, talk shows, childbirth, and more. 
Animals and humans are a lot alike. Just ask Erma Bombeck. "Consider the camel. He has yellow teeth, corns, and halitosis. . . . Don't tell me you haven't had a blind date that matches that description." Bombeck continues to make her case in one of her funniest books to date.

101 Cat and Dog Jokes
by Katy Hall 
What was the first cat to fly? Kitty-hawk! There are more than 101 jokes, puns, riddles and knock-knocks in this new addition to the bestselling line of 101 Jokes Books


Create your own Custom CD from  more than 175,000 songs

Boosting Your Pet's Self-Esteem : Or How to Have a Self-Actualized, Addiction-Free, Non-Co-Dependent Animal Companion 
by Michael James Dowling, Sarah Buell Dowling (Illustrator)
Click here to find out more Does your dog wag his tail and bark? Does your cat purr? Does your bird just peck at her food? If so, they may suffer from low self-esteem! So says Michael Dowling, author of the hilarious new book, Boosting Your Pet's Self-Esteem. 
This tongue-in-cheek satire, with 40 witty illustrations by Sarah Dowling, pokes fun at our culture's obsession with self-esteem, self-help programs, and political correctness.  A wonderful gift and a must read for pet lovers, psychologists, self-help devotees, people tired political correctness, and everyone else who wants a hearty laugh! 

For Dogs Only! : How to Live With Human Beings 
by David Comfort
According to the introduction, you are to read this book to your dog so they know how to interact with you. It is the story of Boomer and you will laughing the whole time.  If you love animals you will like this book.

Chicken Soup for the Pet Lover's Soul : Stories About Pets As Teachers, Healers, Heroes and Friends 
by Jack Canfield (Editor), Mark Victor Hansen, Carol Kline, Marty Becker 
Click here to find out more Animals bring out the goodness, humanity and optimism in people and speak directly to our souls. This inspiring and entertaining "Chicken Soup" collection relates the unique bonds between animals and the people whose lives they've changed. 
This is a book that will validate the deep feelings people have for their pets as it celebrates, protects, nurtures and shares the magic and miracles of "The Bond."



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