ROMWELL HUMOR - On kids way

Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents. Water is composed of two gins. Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water. Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners
ON KIDS WAY

	BABY-SITTER: A teenager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are out can behave like teenagers. - (John R. Fox)
"What nerve to use that kind of language in front of the children!"

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KIDS SAY DEFINITIONS

(Define H2O and CO2) H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.

Water is composed of two gins. Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah.

The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.

A person should take a bath once in the summer, not so often in the winter.

In spring the salmon swim upstream to spoon.

A census taker is a man who goes from house to house increasing the population.

The people who followed the lord were called the twelve opossums.

One of the main causes of dust is Janitors.

A scout obeys all to who obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities.

The climate is hottest next to the Creator.

To prevent colds, use an agonizer to spray into the nose until it drips into the throat.

Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.

KIDS VIEW ON LOVE AND MARRIAGE

Perhaps difficult enough for adults to define, this question received some interesting responses from those of a younger generation...

Q: WHAT EXACTLY IS MARRIAGE?`

A: "When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her,
'I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced, but you got to
do one particular thing for me.' Then she says yes, but she's wondering what the thing is and whether it's naughty
or not. She can't wait to find out." (GIRL, AGE 9)

A: "Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents"
(BOY, AGE 6)

Q: HOW DOES A PERSON DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY?

A: "You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one."
(GIRL, AGE 9)
A: "My mother says to look for a man who is kind....That's what I'll do....I'll find somebody who's kind tall and handsome." (GIRL, AGE 8)

CONCERNING THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED "Eighty-four Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each
other in your bedroom." (GIRL, AGE 8)

"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife" (BOY, AGE 5)

Q: HOW DID YOUR MOM AND DAD MEET? "They were at a dance party at a friend's house. Then they went for a drive, but their car broke down...It was a
good thing, because it gave them a chance to find out about their values." (GIRL, AGE 9)

"My father was doing some strange chores for my mother. They won't tell me what kind." (BOY, AGE 8)

Q: WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? "On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to
go for a second date." (BOY, AGE 10)
"Many daters just eat pork chops and french fries and talk about love." ( BOY, AGE 9)

Q: WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? "You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a ring and her
own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." (BOY, AGE 10)
"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you....If nobody sees you,
I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." (GIRL, AGE 9)

THE GREAT DEBATE: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? "It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them"
(GIRL, AGE 9)

"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble."
(BOY, AGE 7)

Deep Young Thoughts From an actual newspaper contest where entrants ages 4 to 15 were asked to imitate "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey."

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life? --Age 15

Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. --Age 13

It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president's birthday, like they do for the queen's. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends. --Age 8

Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just any old yokel vote. --Age 10

Home is where the house is. --Age 6

I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween. --Age 13

I often wonder how come John Tesh isn't as popular a singer as some people think he should be. Then, I remember it's because he sucks. --Age 15

For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out. --Age 6

My younger brother asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth -- that most of us go to hell and burn eternally -- but I didn't want to upset him. --Age 10

When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again. But he better have lost the nose hair and the
old-man smell. --Age 5

I once heard the voice of God. It said "Vrrrrmmmmm." Unless it was just a lawn mower. --Age 11

I like to go down to the dog pound and pretend that I've found my dog. Then I tell them to kill it anyway because I already gave away all of his stuff. Dog people sure don't have a sense of humor. --Age 14

As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days saved up. --Age 7

It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into an accident. No, wait. That would be good because if anyone needed it, the blood would be right there. --Age 5

Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then, imagine if you had that many Twinkies. Wow, that's five more than the biggest number you could come up with! --Age 6

If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started. --Age 15

The Funny Things Kids Say Will Brighten Any Day
by Grace Witwer Housholder

This delightful book contains hundreds of funny kid stories from the author's award-winning newspaper column. With 20 full-page, full-color watercolor illustrations and slightly over-size type, this book makes a nice gift for new parents, grandparents, educators, childcare providers and nursing home residents. The 20 chapters have titles such as: Kids and Their Creater, Kids and Groan Ups, Kids and Dollars and Sense, Kids and the Birds and the Bees, etc. It's a gift that keeps on giving... a smile.

Editorial Cartoons by Kids 1997
by Dave Schreiner (Editor)

Editorial Cartoons by Kids: 1997 is a compilation of original editorial cartoons by students in grades 2 through 12. The 100 cartoons in Editorial Cartoons by Kids: 1997 were selected by the
NewsCurrents editorial staff from over 10,000 entries in an annual context sponsored by the NewsCurrents current events program. Here is a collection of editorial cartoons by the next generation of voters that demonstrates an acuity, humor and insight that many of their elders would do well do emulate.

How to Outsmart Your Kids : The Parents' Guide to Dirty Tricks by Bill Dodds, Mark Engblom (Illustrator)

The Parents' Guide to Dirty Tricks gets a new title and a new look for the '90s. Parents can find out how to trick kids into eating nutritious green vegetables, how to get kids to clear the table and wash the dishes, how to get kids to stop whining, and more. Illustrated.

Humor, Play & Laughter : Stress-Proofing Life With Your Kids
by Joseph A. Michelli

This book was written with two purposes in mind 1) to help parent use humor and laughter cope with the challenges and uncertainities of parenting, and 2) to assist parents raise children who can use humor constructively. Charles Schultz, creator of the Peanuts cartoon series, notes "the greatest gift we can give the next generation is the ability to laugh at themselves". My book offers anecdotes on the use of humor, laughter and play in parenting situations. Additionally, it provides practical strategies for increasing humor in your home. Although I am a psychologist, I hope the book speaks honestly about parenting without pontification or psychobabble.

Kids Will Be Kids : Excellent, Tried-And-True Reasons for Thinking Twice About Having Children (Or Why You Might Want to Rent Them Out on Weekends) by Jane Naliboff

A fun, humorous look at parenting... you will chuckled out loud! This book makes a great baby shower gift... perfect for Mother's Day and Father's Day, too.

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