POLITICAL HUMOR & JOKES - A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party. What do you do if you make mistake on a case? the ministar asked. Try to ...

There's a new Bill Clinton computer coming out soon..................It will have a six inch hard drive, but no memory.Do you know why Monica Lewinsky could never be a doctor?What is the difference between George Washington, Richard Nixon, and Bill Clinton? POLITICAL HUMOR & JOKES

In politics stupidity is not a handicap.

A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party: "What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?" the minister asked.
"Try to fix it if it's big; ignore it if it's insignificant," replied the lawyer.
"What do you do?" lawyer asked.
"Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an example. The other day I meant to say 'the devil is the father of liars,' but instead I said 'the devil is the father of lawyers,' so I let it go," minister
replied.

Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!

What is the difference between George Washington, Richard Nixon, and Bill Clinton?

................ Washington
couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth, and Clinton doesn't know the difference.

Do you know why Monica Lewinsky could never be a doctor? ... She sucked as an intern!

One day, a Mr. President was looking for a call girl. He found three such ladies in a local lounge
- - - a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. To the blonde he said, "I am the President ... How
much would it cost me to spend some time with you? The blonde replied, "Two hundred dollars."
To the brunette he posed the same question, and she replied, "One hundred dollars." He then asked the redhead the same question.
The redhead replied, "Mr. President, if you can raise my skirt as high as my taxes...... get my panties as low as my wages...get that thing of yours as hard as the times... keep it as high as the gas prices...keep me warmer than my apartment...and...screw me in private the way you do in public, then believe me Mr. President, it ain't gonna cost you a cent."

A presidential staff advisor walks into the daily meeting a little late and notices that everyone has a glum look on their face -- some even look a little frightened -- and Mr. President isn't in the room. "What's the matter" he asked.
"Well, we had some bad news, and just got some even worse news."
"What's the bad news?" "India has detonated
some atomic weapons at their underground test site, Pakistan has done the same at their proving area, and China is warning them both that this could lead to regional war -- that may go nuclear."
"Oh my God, what could be worse than that?" "Well, Mr. President just got hold of some Viagra!!"

What do Monica Lewinsky and A Soda machine have in Common?
...........................They both have a slot that says "Insert Bill Here"

SPECIAL REPORT Son:     Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?
Father: Sure son, what's the question?
Son:     What is politics?
Father: Well, let's take our home for example, I am the wage earner, so let's call me the
             management. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we'll cal her
             government. We take care of your needs, so let's call you the people. We'll
             call the maid the working class and your baby brother we will call the future.
             Do you understand?
Son:      I'm not really sure, dad. I'll have to think about it.

That night, awakened by his baby brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He then went to the maid's room where, peeking through the
key hole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheard by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to bed.
The next morning:
Son:     Dad, now I think I understand politics.
Father: That's great son, explain it to me in your own words.
Son:     Well, dad while management is screwing the working class the government is sound
            asleep. The people are being completely ignored and the future is full of shit.

Create your own Custom CD from more than 175,000 songs

There's a new Bill Clinton computer coming out soon..................
It will have a six inch hard drive, but no memory.

A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey.
"If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it."
"But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it."
"This is my position, and I will not compromise!"

Mr. President and his wife were sleeping one night at the White House. First Lady wakes up and starts shaking her husband to wake him up. "Darling, darling wake up." He stays sleeping. She continues, "Darling, darling wake up." He finally wakes up
and says, "What do you want?" She responds, "I have to go use the bathroom." To which he says, "Please tell me you didn't wake me up just to tell me you have to go to the bathroom." She says, "No, I just wanted to tell you to save my spot."

Diplomat thinks twice before saying nothing.

The wives of three presidents and a prime minister are talking together about what a male sexual organ is called in their native languages.

In England people call it a gentleman because it stands up when women are entering.
In Russia you call it a patriot because you never know if it will hit you on the front or on the back side.
In France you call it a curtain because it goes down after the act.
In the USA you call it a rumor because it goes from mouth to mouth.

Crime wouldn't pay if the Government ran it.

A LETTER A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and his mother told him to pray to God for it. He prayed and prayed for two weeks, but nothing turned up. Then he decided perhaps he should write God a letter requesting the $100.00.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, they opened it up and decided to send it to the Prime Minister.
The Prime Minister was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a check for $5.00. He thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you letter to God which ran as follows:
Dear God:
Thank you very much for sending me the money. I noticed that you had to send it through Ottawa. As usual they deducted $95.00.

Don't steal - the government hates competition...

All babies start out with the same number of raw cells which, over nine months, develop into a complete female baby. The problem occurs when cells are instructed by the little chromosomes to make a male baby instead.
Because there are only so many cells to go around, the cells necessary to develop a male's reproductive organs have to come from cells already assigned elsewhere in the female. Recent tests have shown that these cells are removed from the communications center of the brain, migrate lower in the body and develop into male sexual organs.
If you visualize a normal brain to be similar to a full deck of cards, this means that males are born a few
cards short, so to speak. And some of their cards are in their shorts. This difference between the male and female brain manifests itself in various ways. Little girls will tend to play things like house or learn to read. Little boys, however, will tend to do things like placing a bucket over their heads and running into walls. Little girls will think about doing things before taking any action. Little boys will just punch or kick something and will look surprised if someone asks them why they just punched their little brother who was half asleep and looking the other way.
This basic cognitive difference continues to grow until puberty, when the hormones kick into action and the trouble really begins. After puberty, not only the size of the male and female brains differ, but the center of thought also differs. Women think with their heads. Male thoughts often originate lower in their bodies where their ex-brain cells reside. Of course, the size of this problem varies from man to man. In some men only a small number of brain cells migrate and they are left with nearly full mental capacity but they tend to be rather dull, sexually speaking.
Such men are known in medical terms as "Republicans." Other men suffer larger brain cell relocation. These men are medically referred to as "Democrats." A small number of men suffer massive brain cell migration to their groins. These men are usually referred to as..... "Mr. President."

RECOMMENDED BOOKS:

Great Political Wit : Laughing (Almost) All the Way to the White House
by Robert J. Dole (Editor), Bob Dole

Great Political Wit collects some of Bob Dole's favorite humorous anecdotes about American politicians--and British Prime Minister Winston Churchill, who gets most of the handful of truly savage putdowns. (Told by one female member of the House of Commons that he was drunk, Churchill replied, "You're ugly, and tomorrow morning I'll be sober, but you'll still be ugly.")

Bill & Hillarys 12 Step Recovery Guide : How to Recover from Anything a Political Satire
by Glenn Eichler

From Comedy Central comes a witty satire of self-improvement guides and self-serving political tomes, which provides a wide-ranging look at the flaws, foibles, and absurdities of the American system of government. 16 full-page photos.

The Best of Fisher : 28 Years of Editorial Cartoons from Faubus to Clinton
by George Fisher, Ernest Dumas (Designer)

Native Arkansan Fisher has been drawing cartoons about his home state since the time of Governor Faubus. With one of his own now in the White House, he continues to publish cartoons in newspapers -- many about Arkansas, all about the American way of pundidtry. This giant collection spans 28 years from the well-known editorial cartoonist, and has much more than just controversy
(several cartoons see print here for the first time). George Fisher has given us reasons to both laugh and cry.

Campaign Comedy : Political Humor from Clinton to Kennedy (Humor in Life and Letters)
by Gerald Gardner

Gardner reviews the humor, from the caustic to the comedic, that most recently targeted Bill Clinton,
George Bush, and Ross Perot. He also focuses, in a campaign-by-campaign format, on the humor
generated by the presidential campaigns ranging back to the struggle between Kennedy and Nixon in 1960. Annotation copyright Book News, Inc. Portland, Or.

Does Anybody Have a Problem With That? : Politically Incorrect's Greatest Hits
by Bill Maher

Politically incorrect humor is nothing new. It seems most jokes from stand-up comedians through the years have poked fun at race, religion, gender or sex while the rest have intended to be downright offensive. Bill Maher has refined his humor on the nuances and sometimes ridiculousness of all things "politically correct." Host of the talk show "Politically Incorrect," he unloads a collection of his gems for this book, such as: "Should we require a seven-day waiting period to have a child, and if so, would it be called the Brady Bunch bill?" One book you won't want to take to the Rainbow Coalition meeting.

Books Music

Enter keywords...

Back