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| Oh, I've been doing that for some time, to be honest with you fellows the lock on my door doesn't work. |
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| Oh, I've been doing that for some time, to be honest with you fellows the lock on my door doesn't work. |
| OUESTION: What is cosmetics?
ANSWER: Cosmetics is a woman's means for keeping a man from reading between the lines. |
| QUESTION:When does a hill become a mountain?
ANSWER: When it fills out an application for employment. |
| QUESTION: Why do cows wear bells?
ANSWER: Because their horns don't work. |
| QUESTION: What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
ANSWER: His wife is good at picking out clothes. |
| QUESTION: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,
caring and good-looking?
ANSWER: Because all those men already have boyfriends. |
| QUESTION: What's the difference between a Savings Bond and the typical
male?
ANSWER: At some point, the Savings Bond will mature ! |
| QUESTION: What is marriage?
ANSWER: It is something what actually comes up in your garden. |
| QUESTION: What's the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant
lady?
ANSWER: You can't unscrew a pregnant lady! |
| QUESTION:What do you call kids born in whorehouses?
ANSWER: Brothel sprouts. |
| QUESTION: What did the bra say to the hat?
ANSWER: You go on ahead, I'm gonna give these two a lift. |
| QUESTION: What is the difference between a "Battery" and a woman?
ANSWER: A battery has a positive side. |
| QUESTION: How many divorced Men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
ANSWER: Who knows they never get the house. |
| QUESTION: How many divorced Women does it take to screw in a light
bulb?
ANSWER: Four... 1 to screw in the bulb, 3 to form a support group. |
| QUESTION: Why are men like trains?
ANSWER: They always stop before you get off. |
| QUESTION: What is honeymoon?
ANSWER: That brief span of time between, "I do" and "You'd better!" |
| QUESTION: Why should a honeymoon only be six days?
ANSWER: Because seven days makes a whole week. |
| QUESTION: Do you know what is honeymoon?
ANSWER: A short period of doting between dating and debting. |
| QUESTION: Why does it take 500 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
ANSWER: Because they won't stop to ask directions. |
| QUESTION: What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in
common?
ANSWER: Men always miss them. |
| QUESTION: What do you call a truck-load of vibrators?
ANSWER: Toys for twats. |
| QUESTION: Why are lifesavers better than men?
ANSWER: They come in five flavors. |
| QUESTION: Why is the space between a women's tits and hips called a
waist?
ANSWER: Because you could put another pair of tits there. |
| QUESTION: What is the definition of nothing?
ANSWER: When a man with an erection walks into a brick wall and injures....... his nose. |
| QUESTION: What does Kodak and a condom have in common?
ANSWER: You use both to catch those special moments!!! |
| QUESTION: What do men and pantyhose have in common?
ANSWER: They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch! |
| QUESTION: What is the only time a man will think about a candlelight
dinner?
ANSWER: When the power goes off. |
| QUESTION: Why is sex like winning at bridge?
ANSWER: You either need a good partner or a good hand. |
| QUESTION: Why is sex with someone new like a snow storm?
ANSWER: Because you never know when it will come, how deep it will be or how long it will last. |
| QUESTION: What do men and tile floors have in common?
ANSWER: If you lay them well, you can walk on them for years. |
| QUESTION: Why is it more important for women to be pretty rather than
smart?
ANSWER: Because men can see better than the they can think. |
| QUESTION: What's the best way to get a youthful figure?
ANSWER: Ask a woman her age. |
| QUESTION: What do electric trains and women's breasts have in common?
ANSWER: They were originally intended for children but it's the men who play with them. |
| QUESTION: What is the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping
tom?
ANSWER: One snatches your watch and the other watches your snatch |
| QUESTION: How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
ANSWER: His hand caught fire. |
| QUESTION: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar bill and
a very thin woman?
ANSWER: The counterfeit bill is a phoney buck. |
| QUESTION:What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern
fairytale?
ANSWER: A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..." |
| QUESTION: Why does the town idiot take his bedroom door off the hinges
and put it to the sid every
night when he goes to sleep? ANSWER: Because he's afraid someone would look through the keyhole. |
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by Penelope Snow
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by Roz Warren
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Create your own Custom CD from more than 175,000 songs |
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by Cynthia Walker McCullough (Editor)
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by Erma Bombeck
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by Prudence MacKintosh
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