When a man with an erection walks into a brick wall and injures....... his nose.If men got pregnant... abortion would be available in convenience stores and drive through windows. What is the only time a man will think about a candlelight dinner?What did God say after creating man?
If men got pregnant... abortion would be available in convenience stores and drive through windows.
QUESTION: Why is it so hard for 
women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking?

ANSWER: Because all those men already have boyfriends.

QUESTION: What do men and pantyhose have in common?

ANSWER: They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch!

Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing to put in it?
Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?
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Q: What is the definition of nothing?
A: When a man with an erection walks into a brick wall and injures....... his nose.
Q: What's the difference between government bonds and a typical male?
A: At some points government bonds will mature.
Q: Why are men like trains?
A: They always stop before you get off.
Q: What do you call a man with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
Q: What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
A: His wife is good at picking out clothes.
Q: What is the difference between a man and a catfish?
A: One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
Q: What is the only time a man will think about a candlelight dinner?
A: When the power goes off.
Q: What do men and tile floors have in common?
A: If you lay them well, you can walk on them for years.
Q: Why are gingerbread men the best men of all?
A: They are cute. They are sweet. and if they give you any lip, you can bite their heads off.
Q: What did God say after creating man?
A: I can do better.
Q: Why do men like masturbation?
A: It's sex with someone they love.
Q: What is gross stupidity?
A: 144 men in one room.
Two guys were strolling down the street when one guy exclaimed,
"how sad - a dead bird.
"The other man looked up and said, "where?"
Did you hear about the banker who's a great lover?

He knows first-hand the penalty for early withdrawal.

Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics?

He had it bronzed.

Grow your own dope...   plant a man!

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Q: How is a man like a snowstorm?
A: Because you don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it'll stay.
Q: Why do men want to mary virgins?
A: They can't stand criticism.
Q: What do you have whan you have two little balls in your hand?
A: A man's undivided attention.
Q: What do you call an intelligent man in America?
A: A tourist.
Q: How do men sort their laundry?
A: "Fifthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".
Q: How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
A: Three. One to hold the pan and two others to show off and shake the stove.
Q: Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A: So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
Q: Why does the stupid man put ice in his condom?
A: To keep the swellin down.
Q: Why do they now have female astonauts?
A: So someone would have the sense to pull over and ask for directions when they get lost.
Q: How many divorced Men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Who knows they never get the house.
Q: Why did God create man?
A: Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.
Q: What is a man's view of safe sex?
A: A padded headboard.
What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
1. No mind.
2. No business.
101 Exciting New Uses for Condoms
 by Lori Katz, Barb Meyer, Barbara Meyer (Contributor) 
Click here to find out more In this age of safe sex, millions of lonely condoms outlive their expiration dates by hanging out in wallets and medicine cabinets. 101 EXCITING NEW USES FOR CONDOMS is an inventive tongue-in-cheek guide for turning those symbols of missed opportunity into fun and practical projects for you and your commiserating friends.101 creative ideas are cleverly illustrated and grouped into category headings ranging from fashion accessories to car detailing and many other funny ideas make this the perfect gift for anyone with a sense of humor.101 EXCITING NEW USES FOR CONDOMS is a witty and creative look at a subject that is often taboo - but is really funny! 

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Don't Stand Too Close to a Naked Man
by Tim Allen 
In a dual biography and humorous information guide, the star of Home Improvement discusses his prison term and successful television show while offering hints on how to deal with the opposite sex and recognize the parallels between golf courses and strip joints. 

A Guy's Guide to Dating : Everything You Need to Know About Love, Sex, Relationships, and Other Things Too Terrible to Contemplate 
by Brendan Baber, Eric Spitznagel 
Click here to find out more This book is funny, but not to be taken seriously.
On one hand, it's clearly a guy's book, full of irreverent man-to-man advice about sex and dating through all stages of life (the college section includes a chart titled "The Top 10 Reasons You May Suspect You're Gay," one of which is "dancing too damn well"). On the other, it doesn't contain a lot of information that average guys won't already know or intuitively understand. For that reason, it may make more sense to
recommend it to women who remain bewildered by the sweatier gender; however, anyone who reads A Guy's Guide to Dating will find something to laugh at. 

Inside the Warped Minds of Men 
by Bryan Johnston, Erik K. Johnston 
Click here to find out more INSIDE THE WARPED MINDS OF MEN wasn't written to make sense of it; it was written to make fun of it. Over the years, one of our greatest entertainment values, and coincidentally, our highest source of frustration, has been trying to get a grip on the differences and similarities between men and women. The two sexes regularly confound each other and have a knack for creating endless opportunities for havoc.INSIDE THE WARPED MINDS OF MEN has tapped into this rich vein of humor to look at why we seem to be attracted to one another in spite of it all.

Paisley Goes With Nothing : A Man's Guide to Looking Better, Feeling Better, and for Once Behaving As If Your Head Wasn't Sewn on Backwards 
by Hal Rubenstein, Jim Mullen (Contributor) 
Click here to find out more With an irresistible combination of sharp wit, shrewd insight, and great common sense, Paisley Goes With Nothing offers men an invaluable arsenal of survival tactics for thriving in the modern world, including Two Easy Pieces (buying a suit), Father Knew Zip (how to shave), A Medium Is the Message--but So Is an Extra Large (what your wardrobe says about you), Geeks Bearing Gifts (buying presents) and more. 



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